Do you want something to eat?
NO!
How about some soup?
NO!
You need to have something, how about something to drink?
NO!
I can make you a smoothie?
NO!
What can I make you?
NOTHING! I’m cold and Tired!
YOU CAN’T JUST HAVE CANS ALL DAY . . .
Sound familiar?
My son, Alec, put it best: living with a dad with cancer was like living with a pet bear. You feed it. You scratch its fur. Usually, it’s hunched over and hibernating, but you have to be careful because it will lash out and rip your head off. I nearly laughed my head off because of how on point this statement was.
As a Care Giver, I cry for you, because I know I was a bear. You watch your loved one in pain and there is not much you can do – especially if we are tired and grumpy.
On the food side, here are some suggestions:
1) JUST DO IT. We are tired, cold, and generally miserable that there is little that will comfort us by the words that you say. Our body is busy consuming itself making us lose 2-5 pounds a week. If you think we need food – just make the food and set it next to us. If you think we need drink – just make it and set it next to us. If you think we need a blanket – just bring over the blanket. Don’t ask us questions because it is easy to say NO! In fact it is easier to say no multiple times. I know you want to check in and see how we are doing, but once we start the downward spiral of saying “NO!” back off and just do it. Every time my wife, Randi, set down a bowl, or glass, or cup she was saying “I LOVE YOU”.
2) LET THEM EAT WHERE THEY ARE. When you are miserable the last thing you want to do is go to the kitchen table and eat next to nothing, proving you are ill with a cancer that you never asked for in the first place. I had a favorite easy chair in front of the TV which I would curl up on with my comfy blanket and watch my favorite shows – ELLEN and American Chopper (the first couple of seasons). Randi, my wife, finally let me have a stool which I used as a table. It held my water glass, my soy milk glass (easiest thing for me to drink) and a plate for food. A typical meal took me about 2 hours to eat. There was no way I was going to sit at a dining room table for two hours. The idea is to get nutrients in the body, and exercise the throat. If it takes two hours- it take two hours. Que Sera, Sera!! Trust me this is the hardest thing to do.
3) MAKE SMALL PORTIONS. There were times when my Nutritionist, Stephanie Myers, was happy if I had two spoonfuls. So put 4 portions in the bowl/plate. It looks like next to nothing. And then you will add double to that. WHOA! When the patient looks at the bowl they will turn away because they know they will never finish it. Instead, put out the small amount in a small bowl and then in about a half hour come back and replace the bowl with a new bowl of food. NO COMMENT NEEDED. There are certain foods perfect for this - especially scrambled eggs. Find the comfort food that will go down well.
4) DON’T BE TOO CREATIVE/ DON’T TELL US WHAT IS IN IT. My wife made smoothies all the time, because it was one of the few things I could consume orally. If is sounded to exotic and not comfort food – I would be the bear and not want to try it. So she would just make it and set it next to me and tell me the flavor – VANILLA. I’m sure she added turmeric, soy powder, or something else that was good for me. She read all these books about anti-cancer foods – trust me when you can get only two spoonfuls down the throat the last thing you want to hear about is anti-cancer foods. OH and I do add turmeric to my foods now – especially Chili
5) LITTLE WARMER THAN ROOM TEMPERATURE – Remember, we got the Stomach Peg because our throat is sore. SPOS can be drunk at room temp. SMOOTHIES are great at room temp. SOUPS should be a little warmer room temp. Eggs should be a little warmer room temp. Remember we are big babies – BIG FUSSY BABIES – BIG FUSSY CRY BABIES. We like our food at baby milk bottle temperature.
You never thought you would be an animal trainer, and can’t hurry cancer treatment. One of my favorite quotes, “THIS TOO WILL COME TO PASS.” God Bless you
Always,
Jeff Scott Hoyland
COMMENTS
Please add your comments and suggestions to my blog. Nice to see people from around the globe reading my blog. Please follow you want the latest recipes.
I have created a companion page on Facebook called: 100 Meals Pureed - Recipes for Head and Neck Cancer Survivors. Sometimes it is easier to share a FB page than send a blog address.
My Caregivers, keeping me company at Dana Farber
Have had feeding tube since January 2016. I can't swallow anything not even water, but I enjoy putting through my tube milkshakes,ice caps,pop,beer,wine and of course my 2.0 Resource(which I call slop).I never sit at our kitchen or dining table.Hey I'm still alive and enjoying life.
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